


PTSD (Please Try Something Different)

by MegaFrost4



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Fourth of July, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Stony - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:21:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28114581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MegaFrost4/pseuds/MegaFrost4
Summary: Steve Rogers has PTSD, but he doesn't want to admit it. Hiding it for years, revelations and promises are finally made.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Kudos: 46





	PTSD (Please Try Something Different)

_Captain America...God's righteous man. Pretending you could live without a war._

By some miracle, the Avengers triumphed over every obstacle thrown at them.

Alien invasion in New York? They came _together_.

SHIELD compromised? They came _together_.

Ultron? They came _together_.

Sokovian Accords? They _eventually_ came back together. And that one was hard, because no one expected the devastation they had caused each other over the secrets and the lies. No one wanted to admit up front that they were in the wrong, because the Avengers were one stubborn bunch. That was a key reason why they always seemed to win every time.

A year after, things settled back into their normal lives, bustling in and out of the compound upstate, going on solo, duo, or ensemble missions; staying up all night binge-watching Game of Thrones; theorizing over quantum physics; FRIDAY being officially dubbed the Sorting AI by Tony Stark and Peter Parker.

That was a memorable weekend that almost started another civil dispute amongst this family of misfits.

Between the events, even between the moments when memories were made, there was quiet. There was boring. There was every-day life that reminded them all that behind the mask, underneath the armor, they were just people.

And that quiet almost killed Steve Rogers...

* * *

Tony yawned after he downed his fourth Mountain Dew, letting out a satisfying belch.

"Woah, excuse me..."

" _You're excused, Boss..._ "

"Say, FRIDAY, why don't we call it a night, I think the sun's about to come up."

" _I hate to admit it, but I doubt Captain Rogers will be begging you to run with him this morning._ "

Tony frowned. "Really? Huh...dodged that bullet." He was relieved, but there was a hidden tone to that announcement that kinda worried him. "Fri, he didn't use his override code to keep me from worrying, hence making me more worried, did he?"

There was a pause, long enough to confirm his boyfriend's hard-headedness. _Well, that's one thing I certainly didn't teach him...he was like that when I met him._

" _I can neither confirm nor deny that Captain Rogers' heart rate is even higher than what is considered normal for him. Nor can I say that he has lost ten pounds of muscle recently, and sleep is not consistent with what he has been pursuing for most of his allotted time as an Avenger, Boss._ "

The more FRIDAY ticked off her list, the more irritated and terrified Tony became. Sure, they had their ups and downs, and that little skirmish in Siberia was something they all still struggled with. But forgiveness had been established with all participating parties. They were all a family again.

What was going on with-

"Steve?" Tony blinked a few times to take a good look at the man standing in the doorway of the bathroom connecting to their bedroom, and was horrified.

Steve Rogers looked frail. Pale skin was covered in chills, despite the clouds of heat from the boiling hot shower billowing out into the still air. Eyes were drooping with dark circles, bags that were carrying those dreadful nightmares that, try as the soldier might, he could not defeat. The muscles, the ones that were praised and adored by Tony every day were so much smaller, some not even there anymore. Because Tony Stark memorized every inch of his boyfriend...it was his favorite past time.

But the _eyes_...those beautiful puppy-dog eyes that always betrayed him, told the whole story to Tony. Captain America was losing, he was hurting, and he was scared.

"Babe, what's wrong?" Tony dropped his phone and reached out a hand, offering his love and support.

Steve sucked in a breath, backing away from it just barely enough to notice. "Fine...I'm fine, Tony. Just don't feel good today." He wrapped his arms around each other, trying to hide his smallness, because he knew there was no hiding it anymore. Exposed and vulnerable, he did not know what to do, except to do his best not to upset Tony anymore than he already had in the past. It was bad enough Tony gave up sex for him...it will be a year and a half next week.

"Please." Tony pleaded gently. "I am so sorry, I've been so busy lately, and between you and me, our roommates are a _bit_ more than I can handle."

Steve forced himself to smirk, but they both knew he was not fooling anyone.

"I'm sorry I haven't been there for you like I promised...because I should have noticed before..." Tony kicked himself. How could he not notice the love of his life going down in a spiral right in front of him?

It was so slow, he could never have noticed.

"Don't..." Steve choked. " _Please_ , don't do this to yourself. This is all on me, I...I just need to get some sleep..."

"But clearly you _can't_ , otherwise you would not be where you are right now-"

" _I CAN'T STOP SEEING IT!_ " Steve shouted, scaring the both of them. After an uncomfortable silence, Steve tried to explain himself. "It's not just the _war_...it's the _aliens_ , that _Thanos_ you keep seeing in your dreams...Ultron _taunting_ me...my _best_ _friend_...and I _know_ he's getting better, I _know_ that, because of _you_ , Tony...you have done everything in your power to make sure he is, and I cannot thank you enough for that...You saved my best friend, Tony...how could I _ever_ repay you for that? I don't know...I can't stop the thoughts in my head..."

Tony let him go on, as he relived every moment that Tony and the others struggled with as well. They all had their demons, and some lashed out or hid away at different times randomly. But they were all there for each other. Even Natasha every now and then confessed to... _feelings_...

"...but I am your leader...I have to be the example..."

" _No_ , Steve..." Tony stopped him. "You don't have anything to prove to us...you did that Day One..." Tears were fighting to fall as he continued. "I don't want you to _ever_ feel alone anymore. I want you to always feel like you can come to me, or Sam, or Bucky, or any of us. I told you we needed you, and that extends to the fact that we need you to be _happy_."

"But that's just it..." Steve shook his head, frustrated. "I am so _happy_ and _thankful_ to be a part of this, what we all have...what _we_ have. I love you so much, Tony." A tear managed to escape. "You have shown me a life I only dreamed about growing up...what I dreamed about for after the war..." He closed his eyes, and when he opened them, Tony had cautiously moved closer, into his personal bubble. "After _everything_ , you still love me?"

"You know I do." Tony said. "Punch me again, break my leg this time, and I'll come crawling back." Tony turned Steve's head back to him by gently pushing his cheek. "Steve Rogers, _look at me_." He stared into those sad eyes, trying to calculate the solution. "I. Love. You. And I am here for you, to talk to, to cry with, hell, I can be the pillow you scream into every night. I want to be that for you. _Don't_ bottle it up. Don't pretend like everything's ok, cause it's _not_. We're the _Avengers_...we didn't sign up for the easy life, try as I might to give everyone a sense of normalcy and dare I say _fun_ every now and then, I can't help it. That's just who I am. But take it from the master of hiding important things from people till it's too late... _don't_."

Steve nodded, eyes closed, still crying.

"Please...try something _different_."

"...ok." Steve softly promised.

* * *

That following weekend was probably the second biggest weekend of the year for Earth's Mightiest Heroes. For the Fourth of July was not only a national holiday, but it was Steve Rogers' birthday. And every year, it seemed Tony made the parties bigger and grander each time it rolled around.

"Wow, you're so _old_ , what are you, 102 now?" Tony jeered as he poured himself a cup of coffee while the rest of the gang bustled around, trying and failing to get breakfast ready.

"Close enough." Steve smiled, then kissed his boyfriend.

"Get a room!" Bucky and Clint gagged on their milk.

"Y'all are just jealous cause I got _America's ass_!" Tony spanked Steve, who thought he was running a fever he was blushing so hard.

"Stop it, Tony..." Steve said through his teeth.

"Happy Birthday, Captain Rogers, sir!" Peter Parker yelled from down the hall, carrying a huge box that he insisted he carry on his own.

"Guys, I thought we agreed, no presents..." Steve held his hands up.

" _Nonsense_ , Steven! Tis it not your Midgardian tradition on the day of your birth to celebrate with lavish gifts and extravagant parties?" Thor gave Steve a bone-crushing hug that Steve secretly loved, especially the fact that it made Tony the tiniest bit jealous.

Today was a good day, no sinking feelings, no rising panics. Steve enjoyed the day mostly in the pool, wrestling with the boys and taunting the ladies who were just trying to get some sun.

And today also held the record for the most hot dogs and burgers consumed. Tony had FRIDAY keep score. Thor won again, of course. He wished he had an Asgardian's metabolism.

Thankfully, it only rained once for about half an hour, and Thor promised no thunder today so they could spend their festivities all outside in the bright sun.

Steve was once again so grateful for his friends, his _family_ , that brought him in from the icy cold.

After the sunset, Tony pulled Steve aside, knowing what was happening next. In the distance, they could hear Peter getting overly excited setting up the light show.

"Happy birthday, Steve." Tony presented him with a little box, wrapped in a blue bow.

"Tony...I..."

"Shut up, birthday boy, I worked very hard on this, and I wanted you to have it..."

"Ok, ok..." Steve laughed, then gasped. " _Tony_...what? I..." He looked down to Tony on one knee, a huge smile on his face.

"Steven Grant Rogers...I know I'm a mess, a complete idiot, and I forget things all the time. But I love you. You make me want to be better. You make me smile every day. I have never in my life met someone who could make me feel so special like you do. I want to spend the rest of my life with you." Tony put his hands over Steve's, opening the box for him. "Will you marry me?"

Steve's eyes blinked hard, tears falling down and splashing onto Tony's knee. "Yes, of course I will! Tony...I love you."

Tony laughed, putting the ring on, and then stood up to kiss his fiancé.

They broke away from each other when they heard cheers and applause behind them.

"Let's celebrate the greatest day on Midgard!" Thor bellowed, spilling beer all over Clint, who dove into the pool.

He _hated_ the smell...

Tony immediately grabbed Steve's hand. "Actually, I'm a bit worn out, babysitting you kids, so, I think we're going to call it a night...come on, Babe." He pulled and found resistance.

"We can stay..." Steve squeezed his hand. "I'm ok."

"Are you sure, Steve?" Tony asked. "Because I had another movie I just thought of that you _desperately_ need to see, and-"

"I'm sure." Steve said. "As long as I've got you right here..."

"Got that right." Tony smiled, leading them to the rest of the bunch, who welcomed them with open arms.

* * *

The first pop and sizzle went off, and Steve could not help but admire the colors and the spectacle, despite his heartbeat rising.

The next few were fine, because that first one broke the ice a little.

But then the crazy ones went off unexpectedly, and the super serum hearing picked up the slightest wince coming from the owner of the hand he was holding.

"Oh, God, Tony, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry...are you ok?"

"Just _peachy_." Tony said, panting. "You know, you are a _really_ fast runner. And you wonder why I never join you super soldiers at 5 a.m." He laughed.

As Tony took a second to catch his breath, Steve took in his surroundings, realizing where he was: the lake half a mile down the hill from the complex.

"Hey, hey, you're ok. Look at me, right here..." Tony coaxed. " _Steve_." He grabbed his hand. " _Steve_. Everything's _fine_. We're all good. Just having some fun. Everyone. Is. Safe. No aliens or robots in sight...well, except for participating members."

Steve's heart was beating too quickly, he could not breathe. A pop shot off in the distance making him jump backwards.

Tony caught him. "You're ok. You're fine. Look at me. Steve. _Steve_. Hey. Right here."

Tony kept repeating, in such a gentle voice that Steve forgot he had.

"That's it... _that's_ my man. Come on." Tony pulled him a few feet away from the fireworks, which was hard, because families were _everywhere_.

"I'm sorry..."

"Stop apologizing, it's all ok."

"I'm so sorry...Tony, I'm _sorry_..." He was pulled into Tony's chest, repeating apologies over and over again, to every person he wronged or killed or hurt. To every problem that arose because of him. To every person he ever met.

"I forgive you...we forgive you..." Tony soothed.

Steve's thumb rubbed over the engagement ring, jumping again when it beeped with a blinking light.

Then Tony's phone went off, and it was just too much.

"Oh, baby, no, I'm so sorry, come here. Come here, it's _ok_...I should've told you what it was..." Tony apologized, kicking himself for causing such a reaction.

"I thought this was..."

"It is... _it is,_ Steve, I just...I want you to always feel safe. I don't want you to _ever_ be alone. If something were to happen to you, I would never forgive myself. So, I installed a little homing device that tells me where you are, and I will always come after you. I don't want you to _ever_ get hurt, babe." Tony explained, showing on his phone a blinking light that matched the one on Steve's ring.

"Tony..." Steve stared at the ring, then stared into his eyes.

"I told you, I want to be there for you always. You will _never_ be alone again."

"I love you." Steve rested his head against Tony's chest.

"I love you, too." Tony kissed his head.

They sat there for a while, then quietly went back home, sneaking in through the back, and had a peaceful night in each other's arms.


End file.
